A blog by Kysen MD Clare Rodway, capturing interesting conversations she has in the course of her work...
Hannah Holden
Hannah Holden remembers being in her thirties, lying collapsed on the kitchen floor, in floods of tears, feeling empty and miserable. At the time, she was a high-flying IT consultant at a well-known international consultancy firm - outwardly high-functioning, but inwardly hollow. She battled intense imposter syndrome, constantly feeling she had to prove herself, yet never reaching the point where it was proven! But even in the depths of her burnout, she loved what she did and got a dopamine hit from her successes. By conventional standards, her life had ticked all the boxes: marriage, a stellar career, a beautiful home. But in that darkest moment, she realised she couldn’t remember the last time she had felt true joy. She felt disconnected from herself and couldn’t understand why. Fortunately, she says she never reached the point of contemplating ending her life, as some tragically do, but that without change, her life wouldn’t be worth living.
This low point became a turning point. It led Hannah to build a business dedicated to helping others prevent and recover from burnout. ‘I help people alchemise their stress and burnout, and instead feel as good as their life looks’ she tells me.
Looking back, Hannah recognises several factors that created the perfect storm leading to that moment on the kitchen floor. First, she was deeply motivated by external recognition for her hard work. Second, she believed living on adrenaline was normal and a mark of high performance. Also around that time she had moved out of London, losing her community, and had stopped going to the gym, which had previously been a vital stress outlet. As a consequence she found herself filling her time with more work. She had also lost two of her closest, most trusted colleagues to other jobs. On top of this, she was trying to get pregnant, so couldn’t even rely on alcohol as a release.
Most profoundly, she realised she wanted a different life for when her daughter arrived. ‘I didn’t believe I was a good enough reason myself to make the change - but my future daughter was. In that sense my daughter saved my life!’ she says. ‘At the same time, my burnout actually saved my daughter’s childhood. If I had sustained my high-flying career, I might have ended up shoehorning her into my life. But something much more beautiful happened instead.’
The burnout episode happened twelve years ago. Since then, Hannah has continued to work - but with self-management and balance. ‘We are all human. After times of compression, we all need time to decompress.’ She also learned to create safe spaces for her team and encourage them to do the same. She developed a sense of purpose around this - she even describes it it a calling - which sowed the seeds for her work.
Speaking to Hannah at a Six Degrees event for Women in Business, which Kerry England of The Family Law Company kindly invited me to, I couldn’t help thinking how relevant her work is to the legal profession. Having worked in-house at law firms for twelve years before starting my own consultancy, I have seen first-hand the pressures and stress. Hannah agrees:
‘Lawyers are particularly prone to burnout because their time is sold, and their worth measured, in billable hours. People are the resource law firms trade. The reality is that law firms make more money the more hours people do. We’ve seen too many tragic stories of lives lost to stress and burnout in law, both figuratively and literally.’
I feel genuinely evangelical about what Hannah offers and hope she engages with the profession more and more. Yes, law firms now talk about work-life balance in their marketing, and there are serious initiatives like The Mindful Business Charter that make a real difference. But too often, claims about family-friendly working and staff wellbeing are not backed up by reality.
What I love most about Hannah’s approach is her positivity - even seeing burnout as something that can be transformed into growth and strength.
Now that’s pure gold.
